[195+] Very Funny Captions for Instagram Friends

Wine + dinner = winner

Enjoy at least one sunset per day! – Modern Family

They say don’t try this at home…so I went to my friends home!

My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.

Friday, my second favorite F word.

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193+ Good Selfie Captions

Top Best Instagram Captions for Selfies

I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.

They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting…

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they will start using it.

When nothing goes right, go left.

A cop pulled me over and told me “Papers”, so I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.

Mom: Why is everything on the floor? Me: Gravity!

Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.

Did it for the memories – totally worth it!

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

When Jessica Biel becomes pregnant, I hope she names her child “Mo”.

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box… I don’t even know where the box is.

Do I run? Yes… Out of time, patients and money.

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. Yet…I wouldn’t call them lies!

I like hashtags, because they look like waffles.

ETC. End of Thinking Capacity.

Be a cupcake in a world of muffin

I know the voices in my head aren’t real….. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

You make my heart skip a beat.

“Revenge” sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it “Returning the favor.”

You are Entire up to You

How I feel when there’s no coffee? Depresso

Like rain, I fell for you.

I don’t Chat to Flirt.

The best people in life are free.

There are 16-year-olds competing at Olympics and I still push on pull doors.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call. –

With you, every moment is sweet and memorable.

You never know what you have, until you clean your closet.

What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram?

I feel the fragrance of LOVE everywhere when you are near me.

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

I make the moves up as I go.

I had fun once, it was horrible.

There maybe no excuse for laziness; but I’m still looking.

7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.

Be Yourself, everyone else is taken.

I need a six months’ holiday, twice a year.

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.

Don’t Wait. I am always late.

Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married..

Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.

With great girlfriend comes great expenses.

You marry so that you can know each other and the process lasts for infinity.

Do you know what’d look good on you? Me .

When you fall I will be ready to catch you- with love, floor.

Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.

I hope we are good friends until we die, then i hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you belong to a zoo.

A friend in need a friend to be avoided.

Friends knock on the door, best friends walk into your house and start eating.

As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure is going to happen.

Every tall girl needs a short best friend.

We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.

I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean… But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.

Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.

People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside.

I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies.

Finding friends with same mental disorder is priceless.

You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”

Not all the best moments are created with the one you love, some are created with true friends, a blissful beach, and some beer for sure!

People are people but my fellows are really fellows.

I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am sensodyne to your sensitivity.

Let’s just stay friends=never talk again.

Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?

On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15

Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.

Born free, taxed to death.

I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.

If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.

Nothing is illegal until you get caught

I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.

If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

If being Hot is a Crime ARREST ME!

What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.

I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.

Warning – You might fall in love with me.

Aye I’m just feeling my vibes right now, I’m feeling myself.

If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.

So we meet again..

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.

I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.

I am not fat, I am just… easier to see.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.

Who cares, I’m awesome.

God is really creative, I mean just look at me.

Oh, darling! Go buy a personality.

I’m different, fuck your opinion.

Eat, sleep, click, repeat.

You made me laugh so hard. Tears ran down my legs.

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.

I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.

Friday is my second favorite F word.

The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.

I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.

Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!

Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments has become my adult goals.

Today is a good day for cake.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Whoever invented knock-knock jokes should get a “No Bell” prize.

Putting the ‘we’ in weird

The best workout is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. Lunch.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.

I need a six month vacation twice a year.

You can’t run through a campground. You can only “ran,” because it’s past tents.

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening.

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers because I can always count on them.

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone.

I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box… I don’t even know where the box is.

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West

When nothing is going right, go left.

have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

When people tell me “You’re going to regret that in the morning,” I sleep in until noon because I’m a problem solver.

To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ” ― W.C. Fields

Walking past a class with your friends on it.

Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You are glitter glue.

“If I’m not complaining, I’m not having a good time, hah hah!” ― Martin Scorsese

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I don’t like violence but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Yesterday I really wanted tacos. Now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.

My excuse is that I’m young.

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.” ― Charles Bukowski

Namast’ay in bed

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.

I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

This is my pretty hungry face

If I was funny, I’d have a better Instagram caption for this

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

I’m a model… Well… an Instagram model. Same thing right?

We all have that one friend…

I invented a new word: Plagiarism.

Mirror: you look amazing today Camera: Nope, you don’t

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well.” ― Mark Twain

Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

We’re all born a little crazy, some of us just choose to stay that way

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” ― Steve Martin

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you. (A funny Instagram captions for cats!!)

Practice makes perfect but then nobody is perfect so what’s the point of practicing?

“No man can be wise on an empty stomach.” – George Eliot

Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

I liked memes before they were on Instagram.

But first, let me take 40 selfies until choosing one that actually works

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Yes, I know there is a real special place in Hell for me. It is called a throne.

When I feel like giving up on my dreams, I keep sleeping

Where are the average things manufactured? The satisfactory.

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.” ― Thomas Szasz

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.